It was the 7th Asean Summit, I think, that I read about a couple of weeks back. There was even a photograph taking up precious real estate. Nothing about the Asean Summit in it, though I'm sure that got enough press elsewhere in the daily, probably on the front page. Where this was, was on the inside and it showed the wives of the Asean leaders holding a cooking demonstration wherever this was supposed to be. If I'm a bit foggy about the details of who the leaders were and who their wives, it's because of the fog swimming in front of my eyes when they parsed through the print “cooking demonstration'. Who organizes what the wives of leaders do? Who thought it would be a great idea to show solidarity amongst the leaders' families (?) by arranging for a stove to be lit and some ingredients to be stirred? Wasn't there even one other thing they could have done? In the public eye?
You could argue, why not? After all, women are great cooks, their role as homemakers, wives, cooks, is special and is nowhere near demeaning. In fact, their role as all of these is to be celebrated. Their role as anything at all in this society needs to be celebrated. Yes, but seen in the context of the overwhelming majority of social images that depict woman in this role, was it a good idea? I did not see a husband in this picture, whose wife was a leader, but of course.
Does it enforce the stereotype that while the men discuss the fate of the Asean nations, the women cook? Which brings me to the point of this post. I have read and heard so much about the “real” Indian woman in the recent past that I thought it might be a good idea just to check out who this real Indian woman is. If I were to believe what I'm hearing, we are superwomen. With all, and I mean just about all, characteristics of every great Indian woman you've ever known rolled into one. We are whiz MBAs, glamorous dolls catwalking Parisian ramps, the best cooks dishing out wholesome meals for husband and kids, and braniac bank managers, (why, one of us is even the most powerful women in Indian finance circuit today). We are CEOs, directors, vice presidents and ministers. We make that perfect hanger for a Louis Vuitton bag or a Kimaya creation. We are also, please don't forget, Channi, taking in milk to the co-operative daily to support two children through government school. The gypsy woman, who has kept alive her familial talent and embroiders to earn a living today.
Wow, am I all this? No, I'm not. I am just one of them, or maybe two...stretching it. So stop telling me I'm all of this. Implying that I have to carry just about the entire nation's women's consciousness on my shoulders, doesn't make me carry it. It makes it harder for me to live up to this image, one that doesn't exist.
Yes, I'm superwoman enough to be juggling all of the stuff I have to everyday. We cannot so much as stop being one or the other. “Oh but aren't you the modern young Indian woman who has a career and a home and a family and a hobbies group and a music group and a chess club and a ...? You wanted everything, now why aren't you taking it?” Be everybody and do everything!
We are friend, daughter, wife, daughter-in-law, cousin, mom, colleague, boss, neighbour, shopper, chauffeur. We cook, we work, we play, we run, we bring up children, we look after all the family there is around us, we sell firewood, we sell bangles, we walk miles to fetch water, we work the fields and tend the sheep..what is left to do?
So stop telling us to do more, more, more..., or otherwise. Stop telling us to drape a saree if we're wearing cut-offs and to “discard it, aunty” if we're wearing one. To cook when we heat a TV dinner and to just order in when we're great chefs. To get a career when we love our stay-at-home hobbies and to get a life when we're at work. To stop being 'smart' if we learn English, and to stop being dumb if we're not.
If we drive fast, don't tell us we drive 'like women' and if we drive slow, we just have to repeat that. If we are a tourist, raped and killed in a foreign country, don't tell us we deserved it because we may have smoked our last joint just before. If we're successful at work, don't tell us that family time lies sacrificed. Be a good idea, if we were just left the hell alone.
